.holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty.

what comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us...worship is pure or base as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts about God. for this reason the gravest question before the church is always God Himself, and the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like.

-a.w. tozer; quoted from 'crazy love' by francis chan

.i am learning a lot about God. and when i say a lot, it is a crummy two words to describe the multitude God is teaching me about Himself. growing up, i guess i never had any idea how much God loves me. and along with that, my deep heart did not always conceive God to be that of love. but that is changing now more that it ever has before.

with that, i have chosen to forgo my normal formatting of day by day activities and lessons learned, but to let God lead me in attempting to convey what He is teaching me. so, this is what has come into my mind when i think about God as the most important thing about me and my time in new york city...

.a new revelation of my salvation. learned on tuesday, june 29, 2010.

.we were given beauty for ashes.
i was getting ready for the day, and i was listening to a song by cory asbury. this line of the song (we were given beauty for ashes) stuck out to me, and i began to ponder the meaning. the thing is, before Jesus, ashes was our destiny. scripture says, for the wages of sin is death (romans 6:23). however, when you continue to read, the verse finishes by saying, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. therefore, death has no sting, and what was once ashes, is now our gift to freely enjoy. we were given beauty for ashes. with this in my mind, i went about my day and headed to the brooklyn tabernacle.

i spent my day volunteering to help pack suitcases for the missions team leaving to serve in the philippines. but it wasn't until the prayer meeting that night that God brought the truth i experience earlier full circle. within the first few minutes of worship, onajae, the worship leader started speaking about this scripture he read earlier that day. it was from isaiah chapter 61...

the spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. they will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

i can't tell you how many times my eyes have seen these verses, and i have never picked up on that particular phrase in the verse. but you better believe tears filled my eyes, as onajae read and my ears were in tune to the Spirit. it was like God was confirming that i heard right that morning. and also, how cool is it that we are called oaks of righteousness! :)

as amazing as it was to learn this, the days to follow were increasingly difficult for me. as i think back now, after the last four days learning lessons that changed (or are changing, rather) my life, it is hard for me to even say things were difficult. however, i will attempt to explain what i think God is doing with me. :)

on .wednesday, june 30, 2010. i was hitting a low point in my nyc adventure.

i can't really explain why, or how, or even what was going on with me. i just wanted to come home to michigan and that was that. my friend, erica wylie was flying in to visit the next day and i couldn't be more excited to have someone from his house to spend some quality time with. the best explanation i can think of is the hard truth that i really was not understanding the love of God. i was dwelling on a combination or being homesick and becoming lackadaisical. since i have so much free time, i was really soaking up the sleeping in thing and taking as long as i wanted to get ready. i was not truly living out my purpose for being in new york. this is not easy to admit. but seriously, when do we ever have it all together? if this is about real life, then i must be honest.

that night, i headed to the park in astoria (where i live) and lingered around the fair that was taking place. as i watched the sun go down on the skyline and listened to the smooth rhythms of the swing jazz band, i wished just for that night i had a friend to share it with. i believe that was why i just so darn excited to have erica come visit. so i had a friend to share all the cool things of new york with all day, every day. what i didn't realize was that i have the most wonderful best friend and love to share everything with and the best part is He is always with me. if only i really realized the true love of my living, and all powerful God, i would never be lonely, but content soaking up these moments in His presence.

from .thursday, july 1 to wednesday, july 7, 2010. erica wylie came to visit.

while erica was visiting we were busy traveling around the city since erica was experiencing new york for the first time. we were able to cross many things off my bucket list too!...

#11. drink frozen hot chocolate at the serendipity cafe.

yes, just like they did in the movie. and yes, it was worth the wait. and yeah, these frozen concoctions were delicious and verrrrry chocolate-y!

#12. alter my physical appearance in some way.

technically this took place after erica left. but, long story short, i found out about salon's needing people to come in as models and get sweet deals on haircuts! so, this would work as altering my appearance and also was so cool to overlook 5th avenue, sipping on a glass of wine and this ritzy salon, getting pampered. (!!)

#25. drink bubble tea.

since we were already in bay ridge (a very concentrated asian area of brooklyn...also where katie is living for the summer!) we had dinner at a scrumptious vietnamese restaurant and purchased some bubble tea for our subway trek. interesting texture these "bubbles" were...think jelly-like, large tapioca balls, but the tea part was delicious! chalk this one up to a good experience and to say we did it. ;)

#26. hail a cab.

there was no way i could come back to mount pleasant after living in new york for two months without saying i hailed a cab. let me set the stage. 95 degrees, stuck down on 14th street and 11 ave, no subways near what-so-ever...and we need to get to 34th street. .fourth of july madness about to ensue. while we thought we could see the fireworks from 14th, we were wrong and thus needed to go about 20 blocks to the north to get a good spot. the only solution was to hail a cab. so with all the courage i could muster, i walked out to west st (along the hudson river!), put myself out there, stuck out my hand, and within a minute or so, i had hailed us a cab. not bad for my first try, i must say!

having erica here to visit was wonderful and a blessing, but as the week moved on, my hunger to be alone with the Lord only grew deeper. i knew that He was calling me to teach me something that was going to provide a turning point in my life.

i can't even remember the series of events that led me to where i am now, but all i know is this. earlier in my time here, i surrendered everything to God. now this seems pretty basic, but what i mean by this is letting the Holy Spirit have access to every facet of my being. i think so many times we say we are "sold out" to God, when really we are hanging on to some things that we just don't want to give up (or maybe this is just me, i don't know). so through this surrender, as a love offering to God, my desire is to be obedient to everything i sense the Holy Spirit leading me to do. even things as small (or as big depending on how you view it) as what chapter to read in my Bible, to dropping everything to pray, to encouraging people with words. let me tell you, when you start becoming submissive to God's leading, you realize how insignificant you are and just how big He is.

i've been reading a lot since i moved to new york. the subway rides can get kind of long and with no cell phone service underground, there is not much else to do. let's just say this has been a great thing. i just finished a book by carol cymbala (pastor cymbala's wife and director of the grammy award winning choir) called, He's been faithful. through a combination of reading and finishing this book alongside the Word, meeting with the director of women's ministry on thursday, and attending the brooklyn tabernacle women's conference on friday night, God revealed Himself to me. but i gained this knowledge: God is so much bigger than we will ever know on this earth. we only have a mere 66 books of the Bible for God to reveal Himself to us! francis chan says in his book, crazy love (which i began friday), "but many facets of God expand beyond our comprehension." we will only understand the fullness of God and all that He is when we get to heaven.

so i am immersed in all these things all at once, learning about how big this God is that we serve, and how He is holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, and fair and just. and i realize that i am seriously falling in love with God all over again. and there is nothing greater than knowing Jesus.

i am reading the words of francis chan and he writes in crazy love, that both in revelation 4 and isaiah 6, we have a picture or a glimpse of the heavenly throne room. and it is so powerful to read these chapters in scripture and try to imagine what the throne room of God looks like, and then to be reminded what our response to God should be.

and i'm sitting at this women's conference listening to maria durso speak. she's telling us all about sheep and lanolin (the ointment they produce through their wool). i'm thinking, how in the world is this even relevant? but after she shared her amazing testimony of finding God after a life of abuse and drugs that brought me to tears, i trusted she was going to bring it full circle. and she did. think about all the times God refers to Himself as the shepherd and us as the sheep. (this intrigued me so much i went in my Bible when i got home and highlighted every example of this in scripture). and now, go and research all you can about sheep and think about it as it relates to us and God. prepare to be blown away. then after you've read all you can about sheep, and shepherds, and lanolin (!!), read 1 john 2:27. .wow.

so, i don't know if this made any sense. i know i think and talk in circles, but that's how God made me, and so that's what you get. all i know, is God is doing something big...like He never has before in me. and i guess it's hard for me to articulate all that it is into words, but trust that the Holy Spirit is at work and that's cool because that's actually GOD working in us (philippians 2:12-13!). which is cool because as i'm learning all this...pastor cymbabla preached on those exact verses at the brooklyn tabernacle yesterday morning. .love.

day and night they never stop saying: holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.

revelation 4:8